The ancients say that gentlemen can’t do anything, but in the recent popular marriage workshops, they launched “couples do not speak”, and both parties are required to attend marriage psychology courses, and let the couple go home to practice love.Even when quarreling, hold your mouth still or gently hold your hand.
For a red-lit marriage, can this way evoke love and save the family?
Experts believe that from the perspective of communication, most of the contradictions between men and women are due to incorrect communication methods and lack of understanding of each other, which makes the conflict more troublesome.
The standard of love is Zhang Xiaoping, who is the owner of the Family Marriage Workshop, who is committed to promoting harmonious psychology, claims that he has not been in a fight for more than a decade.
But since a friend was derailed in 1988, he began to study the impact of marriage on people.
One phenomenon he found was that the number of psychological consultations in China increased, but many people divorced immediately after psychological consultations.
Because psychological counselors often classify contradictions as incompatible personality, since the personality is incompatible, some simply divorced.
He was dissatisfied with the disposition of character, thinking that dissonance of character was second, and that love should be cultivated. The criterion of love is holding hands, and few couples holding hands at home.
He believes that the three major relationships between men and women are social, sexual and emotional, and the three are indispensable.
And some couples have basically no “love” and lack of love, which is an important reason for the red light of marriage.
The Happy Marriage Workshop, which he founded, lasted 2 months and consisted of 8 lessons.
Registration is only required for couples, 1,000 yuan per person.
After the husband and wife participate together, the relationship can be refunded 1,000 yuan.
Suppose there is still no improvement, but each time the husband and wife insist on coming together and return 500 yuan.
The course schedule is entirely speculative theory and sharing experience. The most important thing is to complete “homework” (including asking for 5 minutes to hug before getting up, etc.) for 8 weeks.
However, reality embarrassed him.
In the case of the extra-marital affairs of the four couples registered in the first period, although both husband and wife are required to attend the course, the man is basically unwilling to participate.
The second phase of registration is from early March to the end of April this year, and there are still not many applicants.
It is understood that foreign happy marriages also suggest that in the case of meaningful marriage abroad, divorcees may affect job promotion.
Marriage schools abroad are more widely accepted by the public. When Westerners find that their marital status is wrong, they will turn to a counselor in time.
Even if it is basically happy, it will still pursue higher happiness in development.
Various domestic “family treatments” are also introduced in China, but usually there are only paid psychological counselors.
In China, psychological counseling is usually thought of when marriage is on the verge of collapse, and even if it can be replaced, marriage is still scarred.
Western psychological counseling usually has religious beliefs, as well as psychological counselors, including paid and non-charged volunteers.
The relationship between Zhang Xiaoping and his wife has always been stable. They have participated in the training of the International Marriage School. This is an act without borders. It is taught in English. During the period, both husband and wife will eat at school together, and then enjoy the lecture DVD.Listen to the class, then turn off the lights, light the candles, and in the gentle sound of music, the husband and wife will discuss and fill out the form at the same time.
Case analysis “Review of the case” Xiao Ying (pseudonym), who was consulted in a marriage workshop, looks beautiful.
Xiaodong (pseudonym), a returnee, headed an enterprise after returning home, and both parties worked in different cities.
The two met through a friend’s introduction.
Through multiple phone calls, they were very impressed.
Six months later, Xiaoying became pregnant and the two hurriedly married.
After the marriage, Xiaodong found that Xiaoying was not very good-tempered, and Xiaoying felt that Xiaodong would not care about her, so she often lost her temper.
Xiaodong felt that every time she lost her temper, she couldn’t take it easy.
Soon, their sexual life also began to be discordant.
About a year ago, Xiao Dongmin was discovered by Xiao Ying, but neither side wanted to divorce.
Xiaoying can’t figure out: she is both traditional and beautiful, why her husband is looking for other women.
Xiaodong explained that because he couldn’t stand his wife’s temper and didn’t want to find a third party, he went out to vent.
Husbands and wives should listen to “comments” in harmony with each other. Harmonious psychology does not consider that emotion, personality, temperament, and personality in Western psychology are attributes of independent people.
They always change with changes in the body’s hormone balance.When the human hormones are kept in balance, people have a happy mood, gentleness, and on the other hand break through the unpleasant emotions and stubbornness.
The body must expect the excess hormones to balance out.
Catharsis is the instinctual method by which people excrete excess hormones in the body.
The way of venting is different for men and women.
Women mainly express saliva, tears, talk, talk, snack, and cry, while men saliva, semen, scolding, eating and drinking, sexual intercourse.
Women are often angry when encountering derailment of their husbands, but indirectly for their own reasons.
This case is very special. First of all, they married with their sons, and their marriage foundation was not solid.
When women’s hormones are out of balance, only tears, saliva, and sweat can be used to regulate the hormone balance.
In particular, some women rely on menstrual blood for balance. Each time they come out of control, they lose control and return to a gentle state after menstrual bleeding.
The husband thought his wife was too emotional, and the wife thought that the husband did not care about her.
Will run through each other several times until unilateral derailment.
”Suggestions” women should learn more, cultivate various hobbies, and exercise regularly. Don’t think that sex is love. Only by developing a relationship with her husband that goes beyond social and sexual intercourse, can you get love.
Men should understand more about their wives, knowing that this is caused by her hormone imbalance. When she is frustrated, take the initiative to hold hands to listen, maybe the quarrel may end.
Recommended Assignment: The “workshop”
of holding hands and hugging to cultivate love has a physical reason to explain marriage issues.
Women’s regular holidays and menopause, due to changes in the biochemical environment of the body, hormones increase or decrease, resulting in a series of effects on the human body.
From the perspective of communication, most of them are the wrong way of communication. Both men and women lack understanding of each other, and the conflicts become more and more troublesome.
Especially when women are emotionally unstable, men do not have to rush to judge who is right and who is wrong.
Women speak in an emotional state. Don’t listen to what she says, but pay attention to the emotions.
For example “I never want to see you again.
“It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want to see you, or that she is upset.
Women communicate emotions, and language is just a line of transition, and they want empathy.
The male communication method does not require the other person to show pain even when it is painful.
The so-called “homework” recommended by the workshop requires hugging for 5 minutes before getting up; hugging and kissing when leaving home; meeting and hugging for 2 minutes after work (temporarily separated); sharing each other’s words without disturbing the other’s thinking and rhythm; (eating, watching(TV, chatting) holding hands for at least 30 minutes; when the other party is angry, accompany them to listen patiently; wash feet together, wipe each other’s feet; hug for 10 minutes before going to bed.
Expert statement: The standardization “workshop” has strong limitations. Yin Yun, the initiator of the National Heart Health Program in the United States for many years of surgical psychological counseling and mental health education.
The workshop that allows both husband and wife to participate together has a certain theory from a theoretical basis. The original intention is good, but it is easy to encounter obstacles in practice.
Psychologically speaking, women accept psychological counseling more openly, while men always feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness, let alone talk to a psychologist.
Family workshops abroad, where both spouses participate voluntarily.
Otherwise it will affect the effect, and sometimes even superimposed.
Because men have strong self-protection capabilities, they may be disgusted.
“Hand holding” and other methods are too mechanized and may be suitable for some couples, but may not be suitable for all couples.
In addition, personality is not a determinant of marital status, but personality differences still exist.
Simply teaching couples to “love” is not very useful.
And the way of love is different, everyone also sees it differently.
Suppose someone thinks that the expression of expert teaching is too formalistic, he or she will resist from the heart and will not achieve the desired effect.
At present, psychological counseling in the field of domestic marriage and family is relatively small, and standardized “workshops” have strong limitations and should be individualized.
In addition to the female ups and downs mentioned in the Workshop, marriage itself is a developing relationship.
Even if the marriage is very personal and loving, it does not mean that there is no problem.
Life changes the relationship between husband and wife.
Participate in activities before marriage to learn and communicate. “Workshops” explain the marriage problem from a physiological point of view.
At the same time, the reasons for the divorce of couples are that nothing happens and something trivial.This is the lack of tolerance and handling capacity in the face of conflict and running-in.
For example, the husband promised to go home to buy vegetables, but forgot.
At this time, the wife asked in an accusatory language, “Even if you buy a dish, you will forget, what else do you do well.
The husband felt threatened and provocative, and naturally retorted.
This will break through the upgrade.
In foreign countries, community organizations in schools will teach students the ability to communicate from middle school. Non-utilitarian organizations, churches, and professional psychological institutions will also participate in similar education.
Workshops are also very common, but unlike domestic treatments, they mostly come together for people with similar needs and understand more about the process of sharing feelings.
Before getting married, you should take part in relatively relaxing activities, understand the basic communication error areas, and wait for problems to be resolved. The situation is much more complicated.
The same is true of marriage. It is assumed that a condition has already occurred, and even settlement, may develop into a new stage.
It is suggested that psychological institutions should teach people how to face contradictions and the ability to communicate well in a growth and development.
There are various forms of marriage workshops in various places: such as marriage failure workshops and pre-marital workshops, etc., which are realized through marriage happiness evaluation, family psychological theater, case analysis, group interaction, and practical exercises.
Advance preparation type: Taiwan has an organization that invites newlyweds to travel to a certain place, and considers each other’s expectations and beliefs about marriage and life to create a close relationship of mutual trust and mutual trust.
Through two days and one night activities, teach communication and conflict management and get along with marriage relationships.
Family System Division: German Psychotherapist Potter?
Heininger found that in the family system, there are hidden powers that are not easily conscious or perceived to manipulate the relationship between family members-the order of love.
If you follow the “order of love” to get along with your family, the relationship will be very good; otherwise the family is completely disturbed, these discards are “involved.”
As a result, a “system integration” workshop was created, and its application in family therapy was called “family integration”.
EAP services: More and more domestic companies are starting to date EAP services, that is, corporate employee assistance programs. One of the important contents is the work-family balance program to help employees find a balance between work and family.
All workshops use experiential learning.
The training targets are mostly entrepreneurs, middle- and senior-level leaders, and practitioners who are willing to explore the relationship between family and work.